excerpt
She could not help but stiffen at his words. Indeed, they had agreed to complete honesty, to shed the mantle of secrets they both wore, and yet, the reminder of it did little to settle her nerves. She had known what she was getting. She had known that her secrets would now belong to him, yet that had not prevented her from coming to him.
"We are both damaged souls, Jane, marred by darkness and sin. We're both scarred," he whispered, brushing his thumb against the uneven skin of her top lip. "You wear your scars on the outside, while mine are hidden deep. But they're there, Jane. You just have to look hard."
"And will you let me look deep, my lord?"
"You've made it clear that this is the only way I can have you."
"Honesty will set you free."
He smiled, and a soft sound of amusement passed between his lips. "The truth enslaves. It will chain us, bind us in a way that the two of us will fight to get free from."
"I can bear the burden."
"I wonder if you can. Because beyond this door we will cease to be the people we show to the world. Agreed?"
"Yes."
"I will be only Matthew here in this room with you, Jane. Tell me, who am I to expect? Who are you really?"
"I do not know," she said, her voice trembling despite her attempts to appear as though she were firmly in control of her feelings. "I always thought I knew myself so well. But then—" The words froze in her throat and she looked away, but he caught her chin with the edge of his fingers and turned her face to his.
"Only honesty, Jane. We promised. We will not go beyond this door until I have your word that you will be completely honest with me, as I have vowed to be with you."
"I thought I knew what I wanted—who I was—that is, until that night in the hospital. You…you awakened feelings in me that were strange, terrifying yet exhilarating. These feelings were all things I forbid myself—feelings I've never wanted to have. I was quite satisfied with never having felt pleasure or passion, and then when I met you, I questioned everything I have ever believed in. You ask me who I truly am? The truth is, I do not know."
"Do you wish to know?"
"I fear the answer I may uncover."
His expression seemed to soften. She saw the flicker of something in his eye, before he shielded it with his thick lashes as he watched his thumb glide along her mouth, parting her lips. "I, too, am afraid, Jane. I fear what I will find inside me as well. I fear the things you will ask, and the answers I shall have to give you. Shall we forget this bargain of ours, then? Shall we pretend that we never agreed to bare our souls to one another? Should we forget that we ever met, ever touched. Ever kissed?"
"Is that what you want?" she asked, fearing the answer.
"No," he replied in a hard, almost choking voice. "It is not what I want. I want to know you, Jane. I want to understand what makes you different from the women I have known. I want to understand these feelings I had, that I still have."
"Then we will go forward. And we shall never tell a soul what happens in this room. We will never speak of each other's secrets or use them to hurt one another once this week is over. For, a week is all I dare give to you."
"Agreed. Our secret."
Together they released the latch on the door and stepped into the cottage. With a quiet click the door closed behind Matthew. They were now completely alone.
When she turned and looked at him, Jane knew that Matthew would strip her utterly naked, and he would not have to remove one stitch of her clothes to do so.
Excerpted from Sinful - Charlotte Featherstone. Reprinted from authors website www.charlottefeatherstone.net
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